For June Awareness we initially set up a suggestion box. Of course we were free to throw in suggestions of our own and Maggie came up with promoting self-love. That one matters big time, so we stepped on it. Tirelessly Maggie came up with a new quote, picture or clip every day with a little exercise attached to it.
My wake-up call telling me I still have a long way to go with respect to self-acceptance came with the exercise to write down what we stopped doing because of lipedema. I wrote down 'dancing in public'. I immediately felt like an idiot. Why would you stop doing something you love to do, while physically still able to do it? Why? Because of people staring? What they might think? Because you don't like the attention. Oh, come on! Time to flip the switch.
With my summer vacation booked I got ready or some serious R&R on the beach. So no drama about mentally getting ready. No: what does a woman need to make herself comfortable?First a little something to read: Inferno by Dan Brown. But I also intend to bring my nerdilicious book on fossils. It's been collecting dust, but not by choice!
Next I figured I needed a new mask and fins for some serious snorkling. My old mask was leaky and my old fins looked like I wrestled with sharks. Comes from using them to cross pebble beaches and get passed rocks, so nothing dramatic. Although I did swim around sharks a few times! I went for fabulous pink ones. I'll be very, very sorry to use them on pebble beaches!
I wanted a free flowing summer dress. One of those cute maxi dresses that are now out there. I love those and they have their obvious benefits. I had some trouble finding a nice one in my size. While roaming the largest department store in my town for THE dress, I stopped in my tracks. I spotted a lovely pink dress. Pink. In-your-face-kind-of-pink. As I zoomed in on the dress I spotted a 'safe' blue version as well. Not free flowing, not exactly wallflower-proof decor. What to do? I decided to try it on. I loved it! I admit, I also tried the 'safe' blue one. And decided against it. Same dress, same print, but just lost its appeal in navy blue. That's how I ended up with a more figure hugging dress.Please excuse the wheat belly in this picture. Lately I've made one exception after another due to stress and a busy schedule. I'm paying the price. Nothing a good vacation can't fix: a good swim every day and all the time in the world to pick my food. If you look at this picture you probably wouldn't have guessed I have lipedema. However, I originally come from an early stage 2.
The universe apparently intended to have a firm chat with me. The very week I decided I would dance the first opportunity that came along, I had a party. I had forgotten about that. Still, a promise is a promise. If you won't even keep a promise to yourself, what is left? As it turns out they made it real easy. Totally my kind of dance music. Me and dance music go back a long way and it was pleasant to be reacquainted. If someone stared: I didn't notice. And I don't care!
All these events took place in little over a week. I was beginning to feel more daring. On Lipese Challenge* I made another promise: for this vacation I would not dig up an outdated bathingsuit, nor doubt myself in front of a mirror whether I could 'pull it off'. No, I intended to get myself a nice new tankini.I tried a few different ones and ended up with a model in a rather tight fit. Realistically I had to focus on keeping the girls secure and decent. I'm not exactly flat chested. That's how I ended up with this model. The legs...stick out, regardless of the fit on your body. For a split second I was in doubt about the bikini bottom. But when considering going one size up, they told me I would lose it swimming. The shop assistants were brutally honest (about the girls' tendency to escape, the fit really, not my legs or size) when trying on different models, so I took their word for it. Bright blue: can't miss me.
All it took was someone stirring things up and a few positive experiences. Just like that. I had a chance to sleep on it and I'm not the least bit sorry I got a dress and tankini that follow my contours. I know I picked the right items. My final challenge for self-acceptance was having my picture taken for this blog. That's still a sore point. See the criticism I put in on my waiste? Well, I saw it through and posted that picture. Also, I see what I'm doing here. I'm leaving the fussing in this blog. It's a nice marker of my progress and what the next step should be.
I hope June Awareness month 2013 will be a lesson to myself on a bad day or during a bad week. There will be moments like that again, too. When a shop assistant is less professional and kind enough to point out exactly those things you don't feel comfortable about. Or someone will stare and you notice. Or something else. I hope I will realize again it's them, not me. Like they are all perfect...
*Facebook group by Lipese
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