Mirror, mirror on the wall…

By Tatjana van der Krabben

Mirror, do I see what you reflect? Probably not. Before the lipedema flared up, I was fairly thin. I could walk into a store and blindly pull out a pair of pants likely to fit me. Nowadays I have to check labels and am still in doubt. Apprehensive even, to try them on, for fear of disappointment in those brightly lit dressing rooms. I just don’t know. I look at pictures of myself, surprised of what I actually look like. Either bigger or thinner than imagined, depending on my mood or the trust I put in a certain outfit. Somehow, the dimensions of my physique won’t sink in anymore.

There are people out there either telling me or implying that I’m fat. It’s disappointing to be told you look so much better since liposuction. This emphasis on looks is so pointless. Like I can pick my built and genetic make-up. Was I unworthy before somehow? Less of a person? It’s otherwise also an uphill battle with doctors that lack understanding and want to name a number for your weight or body mass index before considering acknowledging your efforts to eat well.

This is a bad combo. Not realizing what you actually look like, where you truly stand physically, can make you a target for the weight mafia. This week I watched a personal trainer on television, coaching a person into losing an insane amount of weight in one year. Like a mantra he kept telling the viewers her weight loss was disappointing and that the scales don’t lie. Turned out the scales did lie: unlike most, she did not lose muscle tone in that insane schedule, but gained muscle tone. In another case the scales lied too: the woman had lipedema. But before a doctor came forward to explain what was going on these women were butchered, accused of cheating with their diet, not putting in enough effort with all that exercise. As if cheating with your diet two or three times can explain how you gain over a period of a couple of months where you otherwise apply their methods. Including working out many hours a week. Sure, that makes sense.

In the end in both cases a doctor stepped forward to explain why they did not meet the criteria at first glance. Care to guess how often a doctor does NOT step forward to explain your war with the scales? I was there for many years. Many of you were, too. It can become tempting to put a number from the scales on your self-worth, self-image, self-respect. There are so many lipese ladies out there with an eating disorder or having had an eating disorder in the past. It breaks my heart. Yes, anorexia too! On many of the forums a picture circulated of a woman, emaciated all over but on her legs. You can’t make the lipedema go away by endlessly reducing your calorie intake. But you can do damage to yourself trying. All the same, the scales will lie and give you a misleading number or body mass index. The scales can lie, but the mirror won’t. If your top half is all skin and bones, you are taking this too far.

The truth of the matter is, you can diet all you want, but your legs will remain lipese to an extent. An ugly truth, but does it make us less worthy? Of course not. Does is make you less attractive? No, it shouldn’t. Your appearance is so much more than your legs. If they show any respect, they will look at your face when engaging in conversation. When not so respectful, the eyes wander and they usually move south to bosom or butt. We can do without the idiots that judge us by our legs. It’s not you, it’s them.

And don’t forget to check out your assets next time you pass a mirror. Yes, I know, it’s about time I started doing that myself.

Note:
This is not an attempt to discourage you in your efforts to manage your weight, your health and your lipedema. Good results in terms of stopping weight gain, less edema, less pain and possibly losing (some) weight have been obtained by people with lipedema. From personal experience we favor a lifestyle with low carb, high protein, no sugar, no artificial sweetners and little or no chemical additives. Also often referred to as 'clean eating'.