Acceptance and Freedom

By Christina Routon

Lose Weight Now! Lose Weight Fast! Lose Weight in Minutes a Day!

It's that time of year again, when the infomercials are in full force and most of us are setting resolutions to lose weight and exercise. Before you buy the next gadget you see on TV, look around your house for a second. Look at the Gazelle or the treadmill you bought. Instead of exercise equipment, it's new function is most likely a clothes hanger. I bet you're still paying the monthly fee for the auto-shipment of vitamins that came with whatever doodad you bought last year, aren't you?

We've all bought products that sound so outrageous (Shake Weight? Butt Toning Sneakers?) just hoping they will be our answer, the absolutely last product we'll ever buy ever again, and we'll have the beautiful, firm, shapely legs and body we've always wanted. But mostly the legs. Please, God, let this doodad give me great legs!

Yes, I've prayed that prayer too, and I've bought several products, diet plans, cookbooks. I've lost weight, but as those of us with lipedema know, we end up with the same legs with little to no changes. It's upsetting, aggravating, frustrating. It make me angry. This leads to giving up, putting the weight back on, then in  January we start all over again. This product will work! I know it will! And we're going around in circles once again.

When I learned I had lipedema this past summer, it was hard. It crushed me. It crushed my hope. Before, I had hope. I hoped in the doodads, in the cookbooks, in the gurus. I was trusting in the things of earth and had been shot down. But now, six months down the road, I have something better than hope for beautiful legs and hot body.

I have freedom.

I know the doodad, gizmo, gadget, whatever won't help my legs. I won't end up with shapely dancer's legs in 8 weeks or 12 weeks just by using whatever. I know this because if two years of going to the gym, taking Zumba classes, squats with the Oly bar, leg presses and walking lunges didn't do it, along with clean* eating and calorie tracking (1500 calories, 100 grams protein, low carb) didn't do it, how on earth is this new doodad going to do it?

Back then, when I was doing all of the above, I didn't know I had lipedema. Now I do. Now I know, and I've accepted that no amount of diet / weight loss / exercise / gizmo is going to affect the lipedema fat.

Again, no amount of diet / weight loss / exercise / new gizmo is going to affect the lipedema fat.

I have railed against that statement. I argued, I denied, I refused to believe it. It had to be wrong. I fought against it because it went against everything I thought I knew and everything I'd come to believe. If I was "good enough", if I didn't cheat on the diet, if I followed that exercise plan or this exercise plan, if I drank that shake or took that shot or bought the latest gizmo THEN I would be okay.

I had to accept it. I had data for two years - weight charts, lifting stats, diet record - and at that moment I knew I HAD done everything "right" according to conventional weight loss guidelines. I had done my best, and if my best hadn't helped me lose more than 30 pounds in 2 years, nothing would.

Because I am not a conventional person who can follow conventional weight loss guidelines.

I have lipedema, and conventional weight loss guidelines don't apply to me.

Accepting this reality has led me to greater freedom than I could ever have imagined. I now train to build strength and endurance. I train to keep my joints lubricated, my lymph flowing, my muscles strong. I eat food to fuel my daily life. My goals aren't tied to a scale and I don't care what anyone thinks about my legs, because my legs aren't me.

And I laugh at the infomercials.

*Clean as I knew it then. Now I eat wheat-free / sugar-free to help reduce inflammation.