Happy Valentine’s day!

By Tatjana van der Krabben & husband

1993. Girl meets great guy. Almost 20 years later, we are married, have 2 lovely children and live a good life in suburbia. Girl is now a woman, definitely more curvy and diagnosed with lipedema. When we met there were no obvious signs. Well, not with the knowledge I had at the time, which was nothing, nada, zilch. I can write lengthy prose on my journey and what it was like for me, but this blog puts the spotlight on my partner. What was it like for him?  

“I never really had a type I would be attracted to. I did like dark hair, but otherwise looks were not key. I liked smart girls. When I saw you I was attracted to your face. As we actually met it was your personality, you had something to say and you were levelheaded. I didn’t notice anything about your figure.

After our eldest was born I could tell your body really changed. At first I figured that’s normal after pregnancy, but later I started thinking. I particularly noticed the changes in your arms and legs, but more so your legs.  Initially I did consider it was your eating habits. We ate quite healthily, but I wasn’t always around. I did put some thought into it. Was is genetics or snacking? Even if you were prone to gaining weight because if genetics, the change was quite dramatic. What really struck me was that you worked out at the gym quite frequently and it did nothing for you. That was odd.

One day you brought up lipedema. After a while you also wanted to pursuit a diagnosis. I had my doubts: and then what? I never heard of it and I figured that a diagnosis would not change much. I tried to be open minded; maybe there was a point to taking that hurdle. And there was. Things started to make sense: genetic flaw, reinforced by an adverse reaction to perfectly normal food. How to get fat when you’re actually trying hard not to.

It also meant your old figure was out the window, yes. I was disappointed, I admit, but it could never be a deal breaker. Really, walking away because your wife doesn’t look the same as she did on your wedding day? That’s lame. Not much of a marriage or not much of a man if that is all it takes to walk out. Try selling that to your kids!

After that came exploring liposuction. I thought it was risky business, I was very skeptical. But I tagged along to the appointments, got to meet the doctor you chose and that made me a little less worried. In hindsight I was very happy you went for it. It gave you so much relief. Just look at you: before you could take the stairs like two times a day. I caught you resting on the couch more and more. It was a vicious cycle – how do you break free of that? Yet you did.

Your next target was changing your diet. I’m totally cool with that, just as long as you don’t force it on me. Some stuff I dig, but seaweed and stuff… You only work the really tasty stuff into the family diet. What’s to complain? You differentiate between things you need and what others don’t need per se. Also, you can’t stand the cold and can’t keep up with my snowboarding. Yet, you don’t deny me that. We work around things so we both get what we need and want. We don’t deny each other things we love to do, just because the other can’t keep up or doesn’t share the same interest.

As for the future… I’m not really scared the lipedema will flare up again, but I sure hope not. Just stick with what you do. It’s working!”

I know you hate the spotlight, as well as spelling things out. A lot goes without saying, especially after 20 years, but sometimes it’s great to hear it out loud. Also, it never hurts to get a male perspective.  Thank you for doing this for me. Happy Valentine’s day!