I’m o.k. – did I just say that?

By Tatjana van der Krabben

In November 2010 I had my first liposuction procedure. In November 2012 I had the last one of four. Yes, the last one. I’ve reached a decision: I’m done. Of course I still have bumps and bits. I’m also in that awkward spot between sizes: size 14/16.  And yet… It just stopped serving a purpose. This is me and that’s o.k.

Why liposuction in the first place
I embarked on this journey to get less pain and become more mobile. My legs had that distinct lipedema look and feel, I just didn’t expect much result in the cosmetic department. I also didn’t want that to be a factor. To me, this was strictly a medical procedure. To my surprise I got a very decent cosmetic result. It gave me more self-esteem. I was still the same, it was just looks and it mattered. Not just to me, but also to loved-ones and friends. The fact that carrying around a couple of pounds less was such a big deal in this day and age was hurtful. While admiring my new figure I told myself over and over again this was not why I did it and those stupid 15 pounds should not matter that much.

The fog has lifted                                                                                                                                           While being on a healing rollercoaster it was very difficult to see the bigger picture. Whenever I could feel what strength and mobility I regained, I was planning the next surgery that would also temporarily set me back. I postponed the last surgery, simply because it was difficult to fit into my schedule. First and foremost I’m a mother of 2 kids who still very much need my care and help. So I was truly feeling the physical benefits for the better part of 2012. Until November, when I had the last one.

I cherished the benefits. I enjoyed being more fit. Being thrown back in November after surgery on my arms made it quite clear to me: this better gives me less in pain in the long run, because for cosmetics only this is not worth it! I was in pain, hindered in my mobility all over again and recovery was sloooow. It’s been 3 months. Healing has progressed sufficiently to be able to conclude I did benefit again. I will have to fight again to regain all my strength, because I was unable to work out for over 2 months. Yet, there’s also that blissful sensation of being virtually pain free! The fog has lifted. I’ve got my bearings again.

Results                                                                                                                                                                  Size 14/16, so what? I may never have looked like a really bad case to many of you, but I was in a lot of pain. I have hypermobility. It counted for cool tricks when growing up, now it just means it’s a weakness in the system, a gateway to pain. Pregnancy set me way back. I never truly recovered. There are exercises I could do for that, if I were actually able to. But I’m not, thanks to the lipedema. I cannot pull enough strength out of my legs to support me with those exercises. Also, if the lipedema is bad like in the past, I also get more pain and mobility issues from the pregnancy souvenirs. I can do the mild exercises for that again, thankfully. I rarely drag my leg anymore. I owe that to liposuction. I can climb the stairs again, when in moderation virtually pain-free. I experience less fatigue, get more done in a day. I also experienced reduced swelling in areas not treated by liposuction. Like breaking a dam, the circulation improved. The 2 surgeries that gave the most result were the inside of my legs and my arms. They had a distinct impact on my mobility and new found energy and strength. More energy means I feel like I really need to sit down and put my feet up for a bit in the afternoon as opposed to feeling like napping.

The last surgery brought on such a painful recovery it really put me off. Did I really want to do this again? I took my time to think about it. I’ve come to realize that my butt sticks out like a sore thumb. I’ve got junk in the trunk all right! Does it hurt? Barely. Can I work around it with clothes? Yes. Would I want to risk a sagging version of it just to get it reduced in size? NO!! I have one last little thing, that’s the back of my upper legs. They were never ‘done’. There wasn’t all that much fat, but it’s quite tender. Yet, not that bad. These were the final issues going through my mind, but they didn’t bug me enough to do something about it. The rest wasn’t bugging me anymore. There’s some loose skin, which can be treated with external laser, but no more liposuction. It was o.k. - I’m o.k.

I’m not complaining it boosted my confidence. I’m generally in a better mood, regained hope to find further improvement through diet, exercise and supplements. More importantly I feel o.k. about myself, remaining bumps and everything. The only thing that could ever bring me to do it again is if menopause would make it worse again, pain included.